Your dad touched me again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
