I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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