You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
