First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
