I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
can u get pink eye on your cock?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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