Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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