Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
