The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
