i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize