found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
