Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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