This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
