I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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