did you get engaged???
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
