New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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