some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
