I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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