But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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