i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
