My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
