To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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