I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
