Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
