I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
