the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
