i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
