Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
