I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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