um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
