I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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