fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize