East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're too hungover to prance.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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