he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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