so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A+ Viking dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
