No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
