Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
