Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
