there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
