Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
