I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
