If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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