I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
