Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
