My hair reeks of homosexuality.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
