Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I wear drunk well.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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