garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
