I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
