my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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