I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
