Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pants are for mortals
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
