Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
