If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
