nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
