What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He felt like a one man threesome
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
