Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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