is your mom at the bar?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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