I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
