We need to rekindle our bromance
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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