I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
