i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
