i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
