good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
