Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
