So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize