I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
