I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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