you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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