If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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