some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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