My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
