After last night, I could never be a politician.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
